Restrospecting: That Brick Wall…

brick wallGrowing up, I knew I needed structure. Everything had to be in its proper order otherwise, I felt lost. I’ve always thought that it was weird that everyone else could handle change gracefully while I had to struggle to adapt. I never really had a comfort zone where I felt free to be myself. My room was my escape like a hermit’s cave in the woods. Back then, I saw myself as a hermit in modern times. I felt I needed to be somewhere else, in another place, in another time.

As maturity crept in, I realized, I had to busy myself with things that gave me answers, purpose or recognition. Education seemed to be the focus of my parents and of the peers I admired. So, I immersed in it. There, I found answers to questions of why, how, what, where, when events and innovations took place. It fascinated me how from single-celled creatures, different life forms took shape. I also learned to appreciate how from caves or treetops, shelters evolved to modern skyscrapers. I marveled at the cycle of life, the way the ecosystem works to ensure the continuity of life and how all living things pro-create from cell division to intercourse in complex animals. But still, I felt incomplete.

Puberty was a tough time. I observed those around me. I realized I needed to be part of soceity, to actually have a social life. I loved the idea of “mutualism” where two species live together in harmony, both receiving an advantage by working together was my new goal. The idea was wonderful. It’s beautiful. I tried developing friendships and relationships which was really difficult. I found validity in the quotation: “When in Rome, do what the Romans do”. I tried to go with the flow and it worked. I learned and experienced a lot of valuable lessons there, no regrets, specially with the lifelong bonds created. I can say, “the effort was worth it”.

There, I experienced joy, jealousy, peace, heartache and love, my waterloo, which my friends and I discovered, was my weakness. I tried to stay away. It was my brick wall. I refused to climb. I chose to wallow deep in sorrow.

Afterwards, came the time of intense thirst for spirituality. I re-discovered the Bible. In it, I found answers to my earthly questions. Who am I supposed to be? Proverbs31 was the answer. I felt weak and unable to go on. Matthew 11:28-30 came knocking. I thought climbing my brick wall was not worth it, Roman 8:28 gave me that much needed assurance that it was.

From that time on, things seemed to fall into place. Structure seemed to come back and change was not as tormenting as it used to be. Consulting the Bible during the most desperate times seemed to offer comfort. My life continued. I met people, went places, got married and bore two wonderfully unique children who from time to time challenge me to be a better human being and its just terrific.

We all hit that brick wall in this journey through life but its easier to overcome if we hold on to God’s assurances in the Bible. We meet people and experience incidents that will give us wisdom. We were also given the responsibility to share this with others, to help them learn from it and perhaps make wiser choices than the ones we previously made.

There was never any guarantee that life would be easy. Hardships add to the zest of existence, from it, we become wise and capable. “Seek and you shall find…” have been my life’s golden rule and with God’s guidance, I will try my best to accomplish whatever task has been laid up ahead.

We experience life in diverse ways. We encounter different people and are in different places, have opposing opinions and varying situations but we all co-exist in this world and most of us have knowledge of the Word. We can choose to use and share it or not. The choice is up to us but know at some point we will face that brick wall. When that time comes, do not be afraid, know that you are not alone or ill-equipped to conquer it.

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