I asked if she wanted to proceed with our scheduled discussion. She sobbed. Her sorrow flowed out from the unfathomable depth of her heart. I let her cry and vent. I realized, minutes after, that tears were rolling down my cheeks as well. She’s in that lonely place, I visit once in a while.
Mommy, Mama, Nanay, Okasan, Mutter, Mum, Madre, Mudra and so on… — words of endearment for mothers around the world — an urgent call or music to a mother’s ear whether her child is 1 or even 70 years old. Once uttered, it calls for attention. Our child needs us. Instinctively, we are willing and able, whatever the demand could be.
After she got her breath back, she said that she’s a bad mother. Her husband thinks so. Her in-laws think so. Her child’s teachers and other moms in the International School think so. She is not raising her child well. Her kid is out of control.
Today, they were asked off the school bus. Her child’s tantrum and screaming was more than what the other commuters and the driver can tolerate. In tears, she had no choice but to walk home with her “wild child” whose meltdown is much worse today than the days before.
Walks used to make her feel better but this one just killed a part of her. Judging eyes and ugly stares howled at her throughout the many blocks they passed to reach home as she tried hard to embrace her struggling and screaming child.
Been there and I wished I could hug her that very minute. She’s not alone. Everyday, a mother, somewhere, experiences this.They all cried but survived.
Kids are small bundles that come with great responsibility and need different approaches as each one is uniquely different from another.
She has to be brave. She must not think or let anyone tell her she is unworthy or incapable. Let them live a day or two in her shoe — to help them get an idea of how things in her life really are and figure out a way to live it better.
From experience, other people give up more easily when the child isn’t theirs. “Epic fail!” right there! In most cases, even with altruism at heart, they don’t come close to the level of patience and understanding a mother can give her own child.
Milestones are good gauges. They help parents look out for their children early on, specially so, because parenting doesn’t come with any manual or guide book. We practice what we learned as children, listen to solicited (even unsolicited) advices and learn for ourselves, firsthand.
Although each milestone has an age level, the actual age when a normally developing child reaches that milestone, vary. Take note, IT VARIES!
Every child is unique! Sadly, for over or under- developed children, this gauge sets the alarms —
The alarm bells ring full blast. Our kids (and the whole family) need help. We go to developmental specialists. We research. We learn. We advocate. We coach. We fight. We strive.
Then, one sweet morning, we have to step back. Our child, our beloved, pushes us a step or two behind. He is set to realize the beauty of his existence, HIS WAY. He is equipped. He is ready. He shines.
We become onlookers, cheerleaders, companions, friends and the parent they need. The battles, tears and the sacrifices become worth it. But don’t be fooled, it has no end — it only became faint and less strenuous whether the child is challenged, special or typical (neurotypical).
By the time our moment together has nearly ended, she was laughing. Re-reading the notes she has listed from reward system, positive and negative reinforcements to tough love. She said goodbye with a promise that she will be braver. This was a relief and a victory.
After parting ways, I had a good cry, an old wound was unstitched but it hurts less. I thank God for this blessing of being able to bless someone else with lessons learned earlier.
God chose women to bear and care for her child because He has qualified and strengthened her to cherish this gift that is hers; fortifying that unbreakable bond in the nine months she carried him in her womb and instilling in her a superpower, maternal instinct — that keeps her attuned to her child and his needs — like a lioness fending her cubs.
God chose her. A woman in all her form, in all her flaws and in all her glory — a mother — who will forever be one of God’s most magnificent creatures.
” I am a woman, a mother, thankful and proud!”